Well hello there. Long time no ….er…….type
I am wondering how long I am going to last keeping this blog on my iPad instead of my ancient, crotchety old’ laptop. My spelling may improve from my old livejournal but apples autocorrect might kill me. We shall see.
I kept trying to return to LJ and just couldn’t do it. I think it is a complete thing in and of itself, a strange and twisty chronicle of my life pre-motherhood. It’s kind of fun to go back and read, it’s almost ten years old now and it certainly shows that I did NOT squander my twenties. Heh.
So we will just consider thewordfairydeux as my new chronicle. We will see where it takes me this time. One thing is certain, I never thought I’d be blogging from a touch screen apple product that may have a droplet or two of breastmilk on it while a small baby boy snorts and sighs while trying to go to sleep in the crib next to me.
The road less travelled by indeed.
I find myself needing a new safe place to get my thoughts out. I’m feeling stretched very thin at the moment. I have my nearly three year old Squirrel (Léo) who is finding language and expressing to me his nearly three year old thoughts. It’s a heck of a thing to be a part of, twisty and turney and hilarious and touching and wonderful and scary as fuck.
Then my tiny Elf (Tan) who is just 3 months old and needs me more than anything but air. It is a humbling place to be when you are the source of all emotional and physical sustenance for a human. He is wonderful, such an easier baby than Squirrel was, and so smiley. It makes it all easier.
In addition to adjusting to having my two babies I am supporting my dear friend Corinne as her son J, just 7 months older than Squirrel, has been diagnosed with a rare and very deadly cancer. He has stage 4 Neuroblastoma and is about to undergo his second round of chemo. I honestly think it is harder to be support for someone’s like this than it would be if he had died. He loves Elf and wants to see him “everyday”. I will rearrange my entire schedule at the drop of a hat to bring the baby to him to make him happy. It is surreal that he wants to play doctor with Elf and that looks like him giving him play shots of morphine and constructing a feeding machine or chemo machine from his blocks and bringing a string over to hook up the baby. It’s heartbreaking that chemo is a game to him now, just part of life. It is something else to watch cancer through a child’s eyes.
And let’s add my poor Little German Mother LGM to this equation. Her mother died in March and she was unable to come after I had Elf. She felt so guilty and hasn’t really had a chance to grieve and depression has set in. I had to reassure her tonight that she is not NOT crazy. That anyone would would be having a you time right now. Oh ands did I mention she has a buldging disk in her back and is dealing with sciatica? I feel so bad for her and am trying to be there as much as I can but it’s tough.
I am going home in four days and she will meet her little Elf and we will be going to Ouray to see him baptized on the 3rd of July. Ouray. My sanctuary. I cannot wait to get there.
On that note, journal entry number one is complete.
See ya soon.